


“I’m not living… I’m just surviving.”

by LadyLaviniya



Series: Sleeping Star Swans [4]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Kissing, Lies, Prompt Fic, Truth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-12-30 17:23:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12113571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyLaviniya/pseuds/LadyLaviniya
Summary: “Tag, you’re it,” she whispered.That was the last time Lily ever found her. Now Emma could finally return the favor and steal a kiss for herself.





	“I’m not living… I’m just surviving.”

**Author's Note:**

  * For [justanoutlaw](https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanoutlaw/gifts).



> baaabe sorry this took so long lol

When Emma didn’t want to be found, Lily had a habit of finding her. Every single time. It was the only game she won consistently, though she was the only one who considered it as such. When Emma wanted to find Lily... she had no such luck. It was a lot harder the other way around.

“Good people don’t go looking for trouble,” Lily used to say when they were fourteen. “Trouble finds them. How many times have you heard of bad people finding good luck? What happens to them? It never lasts long, or ends well.”

“Yeah, but you’re not a bad person,” Emma would counter, “You just make some bad choices.”

“I don’t make bad choices intentionally. I make choices that just happen to suck ass. There’s a difference.”

“Oh, stop.”

When it was time to say goodbye until they inevitably met again, Lily would kiss her. At first the kisses were chaste—on her fingers, her knuckles, the back of her hand. As they grew older, so did Lily’s boldness—her shoulder, her cheek, her forehead. The last time they met, at the age of sixteen, Lily kissed the tip of Emma’s nose and shot her a wink.

“Tag, you’re it,” she whispered.

That was the last time Lily ever found her. Now Emma could finally return the favor and steal a kiss for herself.

* * *

It took her years, but she did it. And she’s not happy about where she ended up. The room was spacious, with large sturdy pillars holding up the ceiling and three elegant but empty sofas with purple velvet sat at the center, two facing one another, the middle facing the entrance, and her. Behind it, on the opposite end of the room were curtains concealing more of the compound.

Emma held her head high and stepped toward them.

All around her, beautiful women of every color, shape, and size chatted and wandered endlessly about, some topless, some bottomless, some went all or none. Many eyed her with sly smiles, licking their lips as they drank in the sight of her. Most all had fingers stained various shades of black like ink as they ran their hands over their favorite parts of their body absently. The black left no trails on their smooth skin.

No one came up to her to ask what she wanted when she neared the center of the room, so she addressed them all. “I’m looking for a girl with a star on her wrist. I was told I could find her here.”

“Why are you looking for her?”

Emma jumped. The voice, a rich, smooth English, belonged to a woman with electric blue eyes and long blonde hair plaited into braids that looped behind her head like a pair of nooses. She just appeared out of nowhere, casually sprawled on the sofa on Emma’s left, one hand behind her head and the other with the tips of her fingers hidden, most likely to conceal her drug use. She raised an eyebrow to prompt a response when Emma gave none.

“Well?”

“I’m... an old friend. Just wanted to catch up.”

The woman laughed. “Catch up! Boy, you certainly did!” She got up and sauntered over, stroking Emma’s cheek with her knuckles and the back of her hand. Two-thirds of each one of her fingers were stained black as though frostbitten. “If there’s one thing I despise more than anything in the world, it’s a liar.” She leaned her face close to Emma’s, punctuating every word with a pause. “And your friend. Lies. A. Lot.”

Emma swallowed. This woman clearly was the madam of this bordello.

“I could never bring myself to throw her out for some reason, and now I know that reason is you. There’s something about you...” The woman smiled, a wicked grin. Her stained fingers found their way around Emma’s neck. “What’s your name, girl?”

“Emma.” Emma swallowed again. “Emma Swan. And you?” The woman leaned in even closer, right into her ear.

“Nothih Ann Nowan.”

Figured.

“Have a seat, Emma Swan. Starla will be right with you.”

_Starla?_

As soon as she blinked, Nothih Ann Nowan was gone.

Right as Emma took a seat on the sofa opposite the one the madam sat on, Starla came. She ran her hand through Emma’s hair to get her attention, and her eyes widened once she recognized her face. Beneath the dyed blonde hair, the smokey eyes, and the fishnet sleeves and stockings, there was Lily. Except there was no smile this time, no gasp or cheerful greetings of  _how are you_  or  _long time no see._  Instead, Lily slid a clean hand into hers and led Emma past the curtains down a well-lit corridor.

They walked and walked, going left, right, left, another left, another right, a few more twists and turns until Emma couldn’t keep track anymore. This place was labyrinthine. Lily stopped them at a door, tried the knob, and when it wouldn’t budge, she knocked twice.

“Bitch, it’s me,” she snapped. “Open up, asshole.”

Somehow, that worked.

There was no one inside the small bedroom. In fact, there was very little in general, just a bed fit for one person, a small set of drawers, and a half-full laundry basket. There were no windows—though that was excusable considering the plethora of doors and the acrobatics it took to get there—and a light source was nowhere in sight despite there clearly being light in the room. Emma took a seat on the foot of the bed, a sad single covered by a nice thick blanket.

Lily fumbled around with some makeup on a vanity, dipping her fingers into a clear bowl of liquid. Water, maybe? Or some kind of invisible drug. She turned to Emma again, flashing a sweet, fond smile at her just like old times, and made her way to the bed to sit by her. She left a generous amount of space in case the years did their time, space Emma was eager to close.

She had so many questions.

“How’ve you been?” Lily asked. Emma shrugged.

“Fine. You?”

“Better now that I’ve seen your face again. It’s been eons.”

“Oh, stop.”

Those two little words in that pseudo-exasperated tone got them smiling, and Emma reached into her pocket to pull out a little necklace. The stone was brown and carved in the shape of a crescent, and Lily’s jaw dropped to the floor when she saw it.

“You kept it...“ She sounded surprised.

“Of course I kept it. It gave me hope I’d find you.” Emma extended her arm to hand it over. “What the hell happened to you? What is this place, and how’d you end up here?”

Lily poked at the tips of the brown crescent absently before she sighed. “Emma...” She bridged the distance between them, placing her hand on Emma’s knee. “I know what it looks like, and what you’re thinking, but we’re not sex workers, okay? I swear. Ann just has very weird...” her brow furrowed as her eyes darted around the room in search of the perfect word, “ _ideas_  about clothes. But everyone came of their own free will, and we can leave when we want. I promise.”

Sure they could, Emma thought. “So what kind of business does she run?”

With a lopsided smirk, Lily patted her bed. “Lie down and I’ll tell you all about it.”

They spent a long time lying by each other the best they could on the small cot, pushing it against the wall, even. Emma kept one hand on Lily’s back and wrapped both legs around one of hers to keep her from falling off the edge, as Lily answered all her questions with hand gestures and air-drawn pictures, head resting comfortably in the crook of her neck.

After their last meeting during the peak of their teenage years, she fell into a bad crowd and got lost one night. No drugs, booze, or sex involved, believe it or not, swear to God. Just plain lost in an unfamiliar city. She offered to babysit here and there—first-time parents were pretty easy to pick out—and stole some money while she was at it, nothing too noticeable.

But on one of these jobs, the parents of the little boy she was watching never came back. They said two hours, but it’d been at least six. So she slipped a note under the door of a neighbor telling them about the baby, stole what she could, and left. On the bus ride out of the town, an old man sat next to her and started telling her things. Things he shouldn’t have known, like her name, her petty thefts, her birthmark.

“He gave me directions to Ann’s since it was on an invisible street. Said she ran a halfway house for troubled girls and women and she could help me stop fucking myself over. Well, he didn’t say it like that, but... He also said I had to pay her in truths, because that was her thing, and no amount of money I had was going to get me out of it. But I was just glad I didn’t have to look for a place to sleep, so I came here without a second thought.

“When I got here, it was okay for a while, I guess. The girls were friendly, Ann was nice, it was really structured and stable. I told her every frivolous truth I could think of, about me, my life, my thoughts, everything. But... I dunno, I guess I got bored or something, or rebellious. Before I knew it, I was lying left and right like an addict. The girls started to get scared I’d be caught and then I’d be gone, but eventually they just started to hate me because Ann, she’d always threaten to kick me out, but it’s been... six years, and I’m still here while other girls have been thrown out for lying just once.”

Emma tucked some of Lily’s blonde hair behind her ear. “You said earlier no one was here against their will. And if you’re so tired of living here...” She swallowed when Lily looked up at her. “If I asked you to pack your bags and leave with me today... you’d come?” Lily nodded, and her gaze dropped again.

“I’m not living... I’m just surviving. So, yeah, I’ll come. But I need to come up with the biggest truth of them all to repay her for six years first. All but a few months of one are drowning in lies.”

Emma heaved a silent sigh, and kissed Lily’s forehead. “We’ll figure it out. I’m here now, I can help.”

* * *

Emma watched the doors blur past her eyes as Lily dragged her around by the hand. The only important items Lily bothered to bring with her were tucked under Emma’s arm—a pair of ripped jeans, a plain white tee with a stain on one side that was more or less clean, and a worn pair of sneakers she was wearing now. Her necklace seemed to give her a boost of confidence because once Emma helped her put it on, her eyes lit up and she said she just  _knew_  what would get them out.

“Trust me,” she said, “I got this.”

Nothih Ann Nowan was waiting for them when they appeared through the curtains, arms crossed, a smug smirk on her face. It seemed every girl in the entire place was there as well, blocking every exit, crowding every corner. They were definitely expected.

“It’s about time!” she barked. “What do you have for me, Starla?”

Lily released Emma’s hand and took a breath. “Truth. I will tell you six large truths, one for every year I’ve been here.”

Nothih Ann Nowan nodded. “Good start, and that one will not count.”

“You got this,” Emma whispered. Nothih Ann Nowan turned her sharp gaze in Emma’s direction and pointed a blackened finger at her.

“You sniff out liars,” she said, and Emma froze. “Hear. Judge. Learn about your old friend. She’s the biggest liar of them all.” The girls and women behind her murmured amongst themselves and some nodded their heads. “Now then, Starla, speak.”

“When I first came, I asked you to call me that because I liked the name, and I do,” Lily began, “but it was really so I could have a fresh start as someone else who wasn’t running away from anything. I had nothing left to lose.”

Nothih Ann Nowan smiled, crossing her arms in front of her chest and hiding her hands behind her elbows. “I thought so. Go on.”

“I was a thief. I babysat for new parents who were desperate for a break from their baby and robbed them when they were out. Altogether I stole more than $1000 from several couples, and I didn’t feel shitty about it.”

“You did fucking what?!” yelled a girl. “What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

Lily ignored her. She licked her lips. “Not many of you know I was adopted, but those who do know I hated it, and here’s why. My adoptive parents never beat me, no one molested me, and I was never emotionally abused. It would be a stretch to say I was neglected, but I never felt loved. No matter how many times they told me, I couldn’t believe it because they never showed me the way they showed my brother or sister. I was just there like the wallpaper, and while I get I objectively had it better than a lot of you, that doesn’t make it any more okay, and I’m tired of feeling guilty about it because I didn’t go through the maximum level of hell humanly possible.”

Emma bit her lip. Now Lily was getting into the deep stuff, things she couldn’t know was the solid truth. Family was always a sore subject for Lily, so she could never understand why Emma wanted one, and now Emma knew why. A few years late, but...

“My first panic attack was over the loss of this necklace.” Lily fingered the crescent stone for a moment before continuing. “It’s the one thing I have from my birth mother, so it’s extremely valuable to me. I haven’t seen it in... about eight years, but now that I have it back, thanks to Emma, I’m ready to move on with my life. It makes me want to find her if she’s out there, and I hope I’ll get to meet her someday.”

Some of the girls began to grow antsy and look elsewhere, shifting their weight and stifling yawns. Meanwhile, Nothih Ann Nowan’s smile only grew wider, and she refolded her arms so her hands were now visible. The black stains on her fingers had become lighter.

Lily took notice as well about the girls. “These truths have been pretty shitty so here’s a light one. A lot of you bitches drive me nuts, but if it weren’t for this place, I’d probably be dead in a ditch somewhere...”

She paused.

“That’s it. Ann’s great. Fuck the rest of you.”

That last remark earned her a small chorus of chuckles, including one from Nothih Ann Nowan.

“I’ll accept that,” she said.

“Five down, one to go...” Emma mumbled under her breath.

For her final truth, Lily stepped closer to Emma, sliding her arm around her waist.

“I ran away from home more times than I can count. The third time I did, that’s how I met Emma...” She turned and offered her a smile. “She’s the only person who’s ever truly understood me, especially back then when we were younger and I was definitely stupider. She’s been looking for me since we were sixteen years old, quite a long time.” It didn’t seem like she was addressing the others anymore. “And I love her more than anyone else in the entire fucking world.”

Cupping her cheek with a warm hand, Lily leaned in and gave Emma the most passionate kiss she never thought would come, and she returned it in full. She dropped the clothes and threw her arms around Lily’s neck as Lily’s hand slipped from her waist up her back and grabbed a fistful of her hair. By the time they pulled apart, Emma had no breath left to say those three little words that always accompanied Lily’s kisses.

“I love you too...” she whispered.


End file.
